A Day of Glory aka "what would you do for a piece of pie?"

So yesterday was pretty awesome for me. Not only did I get to show off my mad baking skills, make an internet friend happy on her B-day, and gain a multitude of followers here and on Twitter... I also won the coveted Allie Brosh Birthday Award!! (known as the ABBA from now on)


What is the ABBA, you ask?



No, not those guys... although the guy on the far right looks rather serious about enjoying his tin foil speedo.

The ABBA is... well, I'm not sure what it is, to be honest. I just know that I won it, cause Allie said so... so suck on that, non-winners. /flex

The only thing left to do now is eat the pies. Being a kind and generous soul, I decided that the pies were going to work with me and I would share them... not so much because of love for my fellow minimum wage earning retail coworkers, but moreso because I knew I could get those greedy vultures to jump through hoops for free food.

All in all, out of the panel of pie tasters, I scored a 100/100. Batting 1000. A perfect 10.
I was asked why I was fixing porn laden computers instead of having my own bakery. Simply because baking is a lot of damn work, and I'm an inherently lazy individual. I would much rather sell someone a computer, fix it 90 days later because they like goat porn, then go home and play WoW and bitch about the goat porn pc's on facebook.

So, in a nutshell, I reveled in the glory that Allie Brosh has bestowed upon me... I am literally quite humbled that her, boyfriend, and 7 others have decided I'm interesting/funny enough to start following my blog/tweets. I'm even more humbled that Mrs. Macready was following me before this all started.

I love you all, I really do. And totally not in a creepy "get in the van" type of love...

I present to you, my coworker...forced to pose for a picture in his best Velociraptor stance, all for a piece of Allies celebratory birthday pie.



(and I didn't bother with the scales today, c'mon, I had pie to eat.)

Operation: Awesome (aka Allie Brosh has a birthday)

So the buzz started about 3-4 days ago.. Allie Brosh was having a birthday. I immediately began to feel the wheels churning in my brain...wtf was I gonna do to make her smile on her birthday and maybe stand out from the crowd ever so slightly??

Easy. I'll make her a birthday pie.

You may say "but why a pie, Trav?". Well, because pie > cake.

So off I went to the store to get supplies... ez-bake pie crusts, some filling, some... oshit. I don't even know what kind of pie she likes. Back home I go and venture onto the internet.
Luckily Allie is a down-to-earth and approachable type of girl.. I mean, she's following me on Twitter, so surely I can ask a small personal question of her. I post my question on her Facebook page and wait. Then I wait some more.
Jesus H. Christ on a Cracker, is she ever going to check her damn facebook?

Screw this, I'm going to bed.

I was happy to find that the next morning, she had actually replied after apparently giving the question much thought... so off to the store I go. again.


Freshness!!


Only the best ingredients for you, Allie... pie filling is supposed to be chilled, right?

So I have a bunch more pics that I was going to make this long blog about and attempt to be humorous about it...however, I didn't cut off a finger when slicing bananas, nor did I blow up the kitchen when baking the pie crusts... I didn't even make a mess when making the meringue from scratch.
All in all it was pretty damned uneventful and boring. I failed.

So how could I make this exciting? With fire.
Me : *calls mom* "Mom? how much is a bottle of brandy?"
Mom: "why?"
Me : "I'm going to set some pies on fire in the kitchen and take pictures..."
Mom: "..."

Ok, so that idea was shot down quickly by all parties involved. So then I started contemplating how difficult it would be to just track down and set fire to Justin Beiber. I figured that would take a little too much effort, even though the idea itself would be fully embraced by the majority of the worlds population.

So, in the end, I just made the boring birthday pies... but they're Allies birthday pies, so that makes them THE MOST AWESOMEST FUCKING PIES IN THE UNIVERSE EVER!!!!!!!



And just to drive the point home of just how awesome this day really is, I've illustrated it in a personal birthday card -


so, in conclusion, I hope you've had a completely awesome birthday, Allie...and I hope that my efforts have made you smile a little brighter and know you're a little more loved than you were 10 minutes ago <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLIE BROSH