Hi There. I've missed you.

Well well well, its been a while, hasn't it?
I'd like to blog all night and let you wonderful folks in on multitudes of joyful experiences, fabulous windfalls of luck and fortune, and unending fits of laughter at the expense of others... 'cept I can't. Mainly because nothing exciting has happened.

That's the main reason I haven't made a post in so long, because as supportive as you've all been I have really felt that you deserve better than just seeing what it was I had for lunch yesterday afternoon. You deserve rants about inane things that are worthy of Lewis Black monologues... and it just hasn't been happening.

I still work at the same shithole of an "office supply" store, a thinly disguised, less pushy version of Best Buy.. with paperclips.  My department manager is still a virgin that lives with his parents at the age of 32.  My store manager is still dating some bipolar chick that, get this, has moved herself AND her brother into his newly purchased home...but stills says "we're not a couple". She allegedly even went on a date and brought the other guy -back- to the house while Boss was at work or some crap like that... I say allegedly because I heard this purely in gossip form.  Regardless, poor guy has his nuts in a vise and she has her hand on the crank.

I gave up on the reason I started this blog, which was the weight loss thing... I did end up losing about 10 lbs, so I'm back to the weight I'm personally comfortable with, plus on the off chance I did lose the competition, I won't have to go work on the new house the Boss got... I would have moral issues doing that with bipolar girl living there calling the shots.

I did have my hours cut at shithole job, but thats been storewide...nothing I've done personally. I keep saying I need to start looking for a part-time job somewhere, or full-time, closer to home... but being the procrastinator I am, I never do.

Today I was somewhat scolded...apparently I don't "Tweet" enough for Mrs. Macready. I apologize, I'll try to do better. Hopefully the self-pic of me made up for my lack of contact <3.

And, since I have nothing of real importance to actually blog about... I'm going to write this blog for Laidy Mondegreen (who has also been lacking in her posts, but has recommendations about what she likes to read about)... I shall attempt something that has probably never been attempted by any amateur blogger before, in the history of blogging, so this may be a world first.
Her list is as follows, and I will try to cover all topics by the time I am done, in no particular order... and if I'm successful, I shall have them all tied together by the end.
Say a prayer to whatever gods you may worship, and strap yourselves in...

    * Male (not that I don’t want to read females, but the majority of the blogs I read are written by females)
    * Photographers (or artists in general)
    * Writers (published or otherwise)
    * Animal lovers
    * Funny people
    * Travelers
    * Readers
    * Married/About to be married
    * Inspiring


  I, Velocigoose, am a Man. It's true, both physically and mentally. Unlike other great men in my time who have been writers, my favorites being Hemingway and Thompson, I am not a writer at all.  I'm not saying that I don't do my damnedest to use correct grammar and proper spelling, however, my midwestern side does shine on occasion.
  I was raised a poor black child in the cotton fields of Alabama with my family of sharecroppers, working for everything that we never had, except a roof over our heads and some cornmeal for sustenance. Up before dawn, I'd head out into the fields with my burlap sack and the blisters on my tender feet still aching from the day before.  It was a harsh life for a two year old, but I managed. We had to put food on the table, and everyone had to chip in.  I did, now and again, shirk off some of the responsibility of being the 12th oldest sibling in the house... managing to slip away for a mid-afternoon skinny dip with my faithful pet mule, Conrad, and my soon-to-be wife, Darletta.  Oh, how I loved that girl, she was so much more mature than I was, being five, and already she had 3 children from a previous marriage.  That didn't matter to me, though, she taught me more in those few short summers than I had ever dreamed of learning in the rest of my years.
  Just her and I, naked in the swimming hole... Conrad and his camera close by. It was perfect.   Until the pictures surfaced on the internet. Her dad, a traveling salesman, "accidentally" came across them one evening while he was in a motel in Detroit. Less than a week later, Darletta was gone...destined to live on the road with her Pa, she became a world traveler in her own right..but thats her blog to write, not mine.  She did send me a couple of letters after we were forced to break up, mainly about funny people she'd met while on her adventures.

  The one that I remember best is about this young kid, his name was Duke... he used to run all over the place with his buddies Dan and Opie, and his sister Leanne, looking high and low for his dad, Garth...getting in all sorts of misadventures. Oh, the laughs that they had... it still makes me smile.  I told her that if she ever published her letters, that she'd end up with multitudes of readers and followers..probably almost to a cult-like status, all over the world.

  All I can hope to do is follow in her footsteps and attempt to channel her creativity a little bit, faithfully following her beacon of light in the world of literature, and hopefully entertain you all a little bit while I do it.




  Not sure when or if I'll come up with another post, but keep in touch followers... all 17 of you. If you nag enough, I shall write... but if you act as if you don't care, then I won't either.  Still, I love you guys, and thanks <3.

-Velocigoose